Clean and Dirty

Snore Play: Initiating sex just to get your partner to stop snoring.
Gore Play: Sucking up to a hot greenie by acting like you're much more passionate about global warming and plastic bags than you really are.
More-More-Moreplay: Using 70’s porn and porn-related soundtracks to set the mood.

Alright, that’s enough of that. No more Kazurinsky-isms. I only thought of them because of an article on “Choreplay,” as in this story from The Ottowa Citizen (exerpted):

Want a roll in the hay? Think 'choreplay'
An online survey maintains that the link between a husband's domestic contributions and his wife's emotional health can prove much more beneficial than buying flowers, reports Misty Harris.
Misty Harris, The Ottawa Citizen
Published: Saturday, February 16, 2008
Watching a man perform housework can be as potent an aphrodisiac as oysters and George Clooney movies.
In a poll of 1,300 moms, Parenting Magazine found fully 15 per cent were wooed into the mood by "choreplay" -- that is, seeing their partner pitch in around the house. In simplest terms, women give kisses to men who do dishes.
"I think most men aren't aware of how powerful these efforts can be," says Joy Davidson, a New York-based sex therapist.


Okay, on one hand I can see this. Having a partner take some time to do something helpful is heart-warming; that such warmth might seep down into the nether regions doesn’t seem that surprising. It’s happened to me. Maybe some women - self included - are just so damn surprised and grateful when anyone does something nice for them that they’d fall in love with a waitress who’d refill their coffee without asking. Hell, I’d French kiss you right now if you’d get the laundry out of the dryer for me.

Showering your sweetheart with kisses because he cleaned the kitchen is one thing. That’s lovely. On the other hand, there’s this (same story, further down):

The number of women aroused by choreplay is apparently large enough to support a book and calendar series depicting fantasy images of men performing housework (Porn for Women) and childcare (Porn for New Moms, out next month).

Yeesh.
I checked out “Porn for Women - 30 Postcards” on Amazon.com (due out in March)and found it pretty much as fatuous as I thought it might be - moderately attractive guys doing things like folding laundry and saying sycophantic lines like “Breakfast’s on the table. I’ll have your outfits ready in five minutes.”
So....is that what other women really want in a man - a 50’s wife? A bowl of oatmeal in a button-down who can’t wait to spit shine their melon baller? I don't know why I'm taking this concept so personally when its clearly meant as harmless fun...I guess reducing the wild magic of sex to an extended Erma Bombeck joke just gives me hives. I know that it’s become vogue to describe non-sexual things as porn, i.e., home design magazines are “house porn,” clothing catalogs that include “shoe porn.” But toadying men doing housework being descried as “Porn for Women,” just feels as neutering as a pair of “Mom Jeans,” and makes me wonder how far we’ve really come out of the 50’s.
Finally, maybe I’m just a big perv but when I think of porn for women I think of....I don’t know....porn?