The Lone Shtup State

One of Goon’s good friends in Texas writes to share this heart-warming VDay news:

Court overturns Texas ban on sex toys
Federal appeals court says law violates constitutional right to privacy.
  By Steven Kreytak
AMERICAN-STATESMAN STAFF
Thursday, February 14, 2008

 A federal appeals court has struck down a Texas law that makes it a crime to promote or sell sex toys.
  "Whatever one might think or believe about the use of these devices," said an opinion written by Justice Thomas M. Reavley of the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in New Orleans, "government interference with their personal and private use violates the Constitution."
Under Texas law it is illegal to sell, advertise, give or lend obscene devices, defined as a device used primarily for sexual stimulation. Anyone in possession of six or more sexual devices is considered to be promoting them.

The story goes on, but you get the idea.
 
Six or more? Good thing I don’t live in Texas. When I open my closets those things fall out all over the place, like a goddamn Lucy sketch. They block the TV and I can’t reach the dials on the stove anymore, but that's okay...they're useful. I find that Edible Underwear is perfect for getting stubborn lids off salsa jars and a long enough dildo (I recommend either “The Javelin” or “Everybody Limbo!”) I never have to get up to turn flip a light switch. Clapper schmapper.

Anyway, Alice is happy that the fine people of Texas can enjoy their sex toys - or as we call them, relaxatives - in peace.