Remember "Separated at Birth"?

They look a little alike...just sayin'...

A lot of belly for your buck

This week I had the luxury of doing a story on Orlando Belly Dance for the Orlando Weekly:  

http://www.orlandoweekly.com/artsculture/story.asp?id=12691

It's really hard to write well about something you really love - you never feel like you quite do it justice. I feel very much this way about dancing, but this profile of Suspira is the closest I've ever come to getting the words right (thanks to her help).

  I've had such great luck with dance teachers, starting with Azuri Zanaar, whose generosity and talent were an inestimable gift;  without her I'd never have had the daring to step on a stage. I've also studied with Vanessa, Bhirgha Gypsikelt and Belle Abbas, all of whom have made the dance their own in a brilliant and influential way. Now I'm studying with Suspira, who, like Azuri, is an inspiring mix of comfort and provocation - she always makes me feel like I'm good enough to be better. 

Anyway, there is a tradition in dance of honoring your teachers - I hope I've done that, here, on stage and in class.

Wow, that was kind of serious. Isn't this where someone should say "Bring on the dancing girls?" 

The 105 Year-Old Virgin

         Clara Meadmore was a quite a dish in her younger days. Certainly there were a few young men - and probably a few young women – who’d have liked to hook up with her.

         Well, tough tittie for them. Clara is still a virgin at the age of 105 and doesn’t feel like she’s missed anything. A BBC news story on her 105^th birthday, http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/cornwall/7663662.stm>Celibacy the Key to Long Life

says that when she was younger sex meant marriage and she never wanted to marry.

         “I have just never been interested in sex. I imagine there is a lot of hassle involved and I have always been busy doing other things.”

         You go, Clara!

         No, I mean it. In giving the finger to getting the finger (or anything else) Clara showed a lot of personal style. It’s all about authenticity, and in bucking the tiresome mandate of marriage and kids and all socio-sexual expectations, Clara showed some balls – and having them is more important than seeing them. Just because I write a lot about sex and relationships doesn’t mean I think everyone needs to be getting it on 24/7….or ever…it’s all about doing things your own way.

         And I’m sure she’s onto something with the “better things to do” motif. I often think that if I wasn’t besieged by hormones I could have been a gazillionaire and had my own cartoon, arts foundation and ape preserve by now. In the time we spend jockeying for, having and recovering from sex and relationships we could have found life on other planets. And had sex with it.

         On the other hand, the subhead of the BBC story says that Clara attributes her long life span to celibacy. If that’s the case, and I have to leave the earth little earlier for all the amazing times I’ve had, well, I have three words to say: I’ll get packing. In fact, it’s kind of fun to consider this idea and rate various escapades: ‘Yep, that was worth a day…oh, that was worth 6 months!…oh, I want some time back for that one...” You should try it. But only alone or with your friends. If you play this game with your partner and you assign vastly different time values or accidentally say “Remember that time we did it in the airplane bathroom?” and it turns out is wasn’t them, well Bob Eubanks isn’t going to be there to help you. As ever, play wisely.

         (Speaking of, I hope it’s obvious that when I say there is sex that’s worth dying a little younger for I’m not implying there’s sex that’s worth risking your life for – this is by no means and endorsement of unsafe sex. This should be apparent, but in 17 years as a writer I’ve discovered that I can say, “Flowers are pretty!” and there will be one reader who interprets that as “Hail, Satan!” so I thought I better clarify).

         I certainly do appreciate Clara’s spunk (insert own spunk funny here). Her story, however, has also made me reflect that I’ve had some experiences that were worth an awful lot, (even losing years, though, as Denis Leary famously said about smoking, they’re the years on the end so who cares?) Hopefully they won’t come to mind when someone at this year’s Thanksgiving celebration says ‘So, what are you thankful for this year?”

Sarah Palin and Newspapers

Sarah Palin can’t name a single newspaper

I like this because it reminds me of when cats try to be very sneaky by crouching behind a blade of grass in the backyard, convinced that you couldn't possibly spot them there.

I know print is dead and I know it's tough to speak on the fly, but the fact that Sarah Palin couldn't even come up with the name of a single newspaper - The New York Times? The Hooterville World Guardian? Anything? - is troubling. Even "I watch the news on TV and the web," would have been good or "Why, I often watch CBS news, Katie Couric...of CBS news!" that would have showed a little charm and savvy (that's what you would have done, I know). To come up totally snake eyes on this, though, is comical...or would be...if it wasn't so goddamn serious.

Paul Newman

 

    At 80 my mother could still talk about Errol Flynn with the same grin she surely did when she was a teenager and saw him for the first time. She had unabashed crushes on a variety of movie stars and was as smitten with movies in general as she was with anyone in them. Thanks to her I became film literate, being taught at a young age the joy of Bogart, Taylor and Hitchcock. And at the head of the pack there was Paul Newman, whose blue eyes could always make her grin her Errol-Flynn-grin.

    She was right, of course. Paul Newman had a relaxed class that shone through so many of his performances - he seemed like a guy you wanted to know and a guy you could look up to as well. Everything he did he did with the kind of ease that only comes from the hard work and devotion to craft.

    I don’t know how many times my mom and I watched “The Sting,” and “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid,” together; the Robert Redford/Paul Newman pairing in the 70’s was very much like the Brad Pitt/George Clooney pairing of today and my mom was charmed with both of them and with Newman’s wife, Joanne Woodward, who matched his talent and earthiness. Thanks to my mom I got to know great films like “Cool Hand Luke,” “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof,” and “Slap Shot,” which some might not see as in the same league, but which remains one of my all time favorite movies since my mom took me to see it in 1977.

    Paul Newman passed away yesterday, a sad, sad loss for the world which needs examples of class and commitment to quality more than ever. I’m glad I got to know his work and more grateful all the time that my mom loved to take me to the movies.

AP: Paul Newman, actor who personified cool, dies

 

  

Slap shot photo, above, film screenrush.uk.com

GQ photo, top, from seniorcitizen.com

My First Video Blog!!!!

Jesus, I am so proud of this! It's the first one, ya know, so I know it's not perfect - but I'm hoping it's going to end up like the Simpsons - just a little thing at first, then bigger, then generally acknowledged as awesome, then huge, then stellar, with merchandising and syndication and a devoted core of millions who look at the earliest episodes and think "Why did we think THAT was so cool?"

But for now it is - it's supercool! My most twitter-pated thanks to Jim DeSantis of Movie Brain Rot
for being such a huge help and for shooting and putting this together, Brian Quain of Before You Submit
for talking me into doing video in the first place and Fairvilla Megastore for loaning us the adorable cheerleader outfit! Fairvilla Megastore
They have the BEST costumes, for Halloween - or for down-and-dirty/sweet-and-flirty fun every other day of the year (and we hope they'll let us film there sometime!)

Anyway, these are my Top 5 Most Sexually Educational scenes in film (non-porn) and TV - we did this because it's September and that means back-to-school month and we all need a little sex Ed - contrary to what the abstinence-only crowd thinks. Actually, ESPECIALLY because of what the abstinence-only crowd think!
Anyway, please leave some good comments for us on YouTube and here on Alice. See you soon!!!! xoxoxo LL

Best Commercial Ever

BEST COMMERCIAL EVER

Had the TV on without noticing it the other day until this phrase caught my ear: “….the most sophisticated piece of technology you’ve ever peed on.”

It turned out to be a Clear Blue Easy commercial and though I hope I never ever ever need their fine product (again), if I do, they have my business for life. Best Ad Ever. Here it is on YouTube:

Clear Blue Funny

After this you’d think that Clear Blue Easy couldn’t be any cooler, but they can: in 1997 no less a legend than David Lynch did an ad for the company:

Clear Blue David Lynch

Finally, this is one of the best SNL parodies ever,and less of a parody than some of the shmlatzier pregnancy test commercials would lead us to believe:

SNL EPT

My best tip for remembering birth control is simply to spend time in a supermarket, public library or anywhere else at least one set of kids is running one or both parents ragged. Nothing like a tantrum to remind you "Oh! Gotta buy condoms!"